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Aminet 21
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Aminet 21 (1997)(GTI - Schatztruhe)[!][Oct 1997].iso
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1997-06-23
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810 lines
"$3,010...I'd like to buy South Korea a drink." -- Hawkeye
"'Lt. O' Reilly.' I'll never get used to that." -- Hoolihan
"*You're* supposed to wake *me*." -- Frank to Radar
"*You* try and color-coordinate in the dark!" -- Klinger
"...a few too many scrimmages without a helmet." -- Trapper, on Henry
"...I would be derelict in my officiousness." -- Frank Burns
"10,000 doctors and we had to get Betsy Ross." -- Blake, on Burns
"1943. A very good year for beans." -- Hawkeye
"3 Hail Marys beats 2 of a kind." -- Hawkeye to Mulcahy
"3 things make a movie great: Horses, cowboys, and horses." - Potter
"4 PM and still in a housecoat?! Put on a dress!" -- Henry to Klinger
"A man and a lady in the same water?!" - Radar. "Baptists." - Hawkeye
"A miracle would definitely be a step in the right direction."-Hawkeye
"A naked general outranks a dressed wound." -- Col. Potter
"A whip?...Maybe she wants to be friends again!" -- Frank on Margaret
"After a trip with you, he may survive." -- Hawkeye to Mitchell
"After the mortar barrage, we've got a 19th and a 20th hole."-Trapper
"All I envy is your chutzpah." -- Hawkeye to Winchester
"All I want to do is save these people and then go home."- Frank Burns
"All right, everybody, we've got a whole new ballgame." -- Henry
"All the condiments are in order by height and popularity." -- Frank
"All the wealth I want you can find in here (the Bible)." -- Mulcahy
"All these med units & I have to pull into a funny farm." - Col.Flagg
"All this good food will make us sick." -- Trapper
"All this jocularity is most unseemly." -- Hawkeye as Father Mulcahy
"Am I disturbing you?" - Frank. "Not yet." - Margaret
"Am I getting taller, or is the room shrinking?" -- Col. Henry Blake
"Am I who I think I am?" -- Dr. Freedman to Col. Flagg
"Am I winning or losing?" -- Hawkeye
"Americans like me like difficult jobs." -- Col. Flagg
"And don't get the phone all sweaty!" -- Col. Potter to Maj. Burns
"And now for the moment no one has been waiting for..." -- Hawkeye
"And then she pours me a damn cup of coffee." -- BJ
"Another day in the R.O.K." -- Radar
"Another soul among the living." -- Mulcahy
"Any room for a poor pulpit-pounder?" -- Father Mulcahy
"Anyone who needs psychiatry is sick in the head." -- Frank Burns
"Anything over .30 is gauche." -- Klinger, on .45 caliber earrings
"Anything you people decide is fine with me." -- Col. Henry Blake
"Apples don't grow on trees, you know." -- Frank Burns
"Are we dead?" - "Feels like heaven to me." -- Hawkeye
"Are you all drunk?" -- Nurse Baker to Hawk, Radar, and BJ
"Are you doctors?" - "Only when the moon is full." -- Hawkeye
"Are you going to knock it off?" -- Frank to Hawkeye
"Are you kidding? I'm the camp cramp champ." -- Hawkeye
"Are you out of what's left of your mind?" -- Trapper to Frank
"Aren't you over here on the American Plan?" -- Col. Potter
"As Captain I have the power to marry you two."-Hawk to Potter & Radar
"As far as anyone knows, I'm a Jewish chaplain." -- Col. Flagg
"At the rate you read, the murderer will escape." -- Winchester to BJ
"Baseball's a wonderful game, no matter who's playing." -- Col. Potter
"Better keep the brass monkeys in *tonight*!" -- Col. Henry Blake
"Better quit while you're behind, Frank." -- Trapper
"Between you, me, and the grand piano, it wasn't a bad idea." - Potter
"Blackmail's an ugly word."-BJ to Frank. "We prefer extortion."-Hawk
"Blake's gone, son. I'm here." -- Potter to Radar
"Boy, am I in Dutch with the Greeks!" -- Col. Henry Blake
"Boy, you guys are in a lot of trouble." -- Radar to Hawkeye & BJ
"Broke my garter belt."-Klinger. "Don't expect a Purple Heart."-Potter
"Bullets cost bucks, mister." -- Frank to Hawkeye
"Bullfeathers!" - Henry "That was *last* week's password." - Klinger
"Burns tried to eat Klinger's mop." -- Hawkeye
"But, Major! She's _unbridled_!!" -- Winchester to Hoolihan
"Caesar is coming to inspect us, not marry us." -- Henry to Frank
"Can I be frank, Frank?" -- Hoolihan
"Can I please say something?" -- Hoolihan
"Can the balloon juice, Pierce." -- Frank Burns
"Can you get drunk on a grape Nehi?"-Radar. "Let's find out."-Hawk
"Can't I enjoy a little misery in peace?" -- Frank Burns
"Cancel the order. We'll take the patient." -- Trapper
"Captains don't give majors orders." -- Maj. Frank Burns
"Care for another glass of checkers?" -- Hawkeye
"Casting bread upon the waters, my son?" -- Father Mulcahy
"Clamp that artery. It's bleeding against orders." -- Trapper
"Coffee is not supposed to be a *solid*." -- Winchester
"Col. Potter would like to address the personnel personally." -- Radar
"Colonels don't know their brass from their elbows." -- Col. Potter
"Come any closer and you'll get the whole picture." -- Col. Potter
"Come on, Henry, there's a bottle dying to meet you." -- Trapper
"Come on, you guys! I don't kiss and tell!" -- Radar
"Could I have my leg back, please?" -- Col. Henry Blake
"Could I stop by sometime for a cup of ego?" -- Hawkeye to Winchester
"Courage is something you can't be afraid to have." -- Frank Burns
"Crawl back in your bottle of booze & pickle yourself."-Radar to Hawk
"Crude and Boorish." - "A great act." -- Hawkeye
"Cut that out or I'll snap your garter belt." -- Hawkeye to Klinger
"Cut the wires...<SNIP>...but first remove the fuse." -- Henry
"Damn colonels! You can't trust any of 'em!" -- Col. Potter
"Deal. Daddy needs a new garter belt." -- Klinger at poker game
"Defuse it and run like hell." - Henry. "But with dignity." - Hawk
"Did I interrupt you in the middle of someone?" -- Hawkeye to Freedman
"Did I say that?" - Potter. "You were about to, sir." - Radar
"Did you swallow a radio announcer?" -- Hawkeye to Radar
"Did you swallow your face, Frank?" -- Hawkeye
"Dignity, hell! I got 3 bucks on this!" -- Col. Potter
"Disgusting!..." -- Frank. "I certainly hope so." -- Hawkeye.
"Do I know what I'm saying? Whatever it is I don't mean it."-Hawkeye
"Do you ever get leave?" - "Of my senses." -- Hawkeye
"Do you get tennis elbow from checkers?" -- Hawkeye
"Do you see anything good coming out of this war?"-"Me. Alive."-Hawk
"Do you suppose any of us will ever speak English again?" -- Hawkeye
"Do you suppose we've died and gone to the Army?" -- Trapper
"Does this mean Radar has to take a bath?" -- Hawkeye
"Does your immense vocabulary include 'thank you'?" - BJ to Winchester
"Don't apologize for winning." -- Potter to Radar
"Don't forget this is your first day at school." -- Hawkeye to BJ
"Don't keep us in suspenders!" -- Col. Potter
"Don't know if we can prevail upon her."-Hawk."Oh, sit down."-Margaret
"Don't laugh for three days." -- Hawkeye
"Don't let this man [Hawkeye] corrupt you." -- Frank to BJ
"Don't look at me. I only fool around with girls." -- Trapper
"Don't spill any water. We don't want to make Korea messy."-Hawkeye
"Don't talk to me; I'm bad." -- Hawkeye
"Don't talk to the driver while he's drinking." -- Hawkeye
"Don't talk too much. Donating (blood) can make you dizzy." - Mulcahy
"Dracula couldn't find a quick snack around here." -- Col. Potter
"Dressing as a nun can be habit-forming." -- BJ to Klinger
"Drinking is not my best subject." -- Father Mulcahy
"Drowning your sorrows?" - "Taking them out for a swim." -- Margaret
"Drunk? That's a rumor started by people I've fallen over."-Hawkeye
"Dry martini, Captain?"-"There should be dust on the olive." - Hawkeye
"Even MacArthur's pipe-stuffer has to be checked out." -- Frank
"Every time they mention those pinkos I see red." -- Frank Burns
"Every time you tell a lie your nose gets smaller."-Potter to Klinger
"Everyone says you're a virgin. Is it true?"-"I don't know." - Radar
"Everything's burnt here." - "Even the milk." -- Col. Potter
"Excuse me! Any of you folks Catholic?" -- Father Mulcahy
"First impressions are lasting impressions." -- Frank Burns
"Fondling your chips is infantile behavior." -- Dr. Freedman
"For a minute I thought we were in trouble." -- Hawkeye
"For some reason the olives all turned black." -- Henry Blake
"Forget the fiddle. What *do* you play?" -- Hawkeye
"Forgive us. We're draftees." -- Hawkeye
"Forward.........Drink!!" -- Hawkeye
"Frank is off duty, which lowers the mortality rate." -- Hawkeye
"Frank was a psychiatrist but found he liked the sight of blood."-Hawk
"Frank'll blow his brains out."-BJ "If he can find a peashooter."-Hawk
"Frank, can we take his drains out before he re-enlists?" -- BJ
"Frank, don't you have enough pain?" -- Hoolihan
"Frank, have you been sniffing medical samples again?" -- Hawkeye
"Frank, you bring a lot of this on yourself." -- Col. Blake
"Frank, your head needs work." -- Hawkeye
"German Shephard. I guess that makes him a Lutheran."-Hawk to Mulcahy
"Get into your fatigues!" - Margaret. "In the evening?" - Klinger
"Get out there and knock 'em alive!" -- BJ to Hawk
"Give me a minute and I'll come back as a nun." -- Klinger
"Give me a minute." - Frank. "I'm not sure we've got one!" - Hawkeye
"Give me the grenade, Max...please!" -- Father Mulcahy to Klinger
"Go ahead and *reek*, gentlemen!" -- Winchester
"Good guys can do anything rotten." -- Hawkeye to Radar
"Good news." - "I'll take it." -- Col. Henry Blake
"Great poker face. Keep it up & you'll make Rushmore."-Hawk to Radar
"Has anybody seen my back?" -- BJ
"Hawkeye, what are we doing?" - "I was hoping you'd know."
"He can have your heart. I'll take what's left." -- Frank to Margaret
"He could talk Oedipus into leaving home." -- Hawkeye on Dr. Freedman
"He dresses a lot like my wife." -- Col. Potter on Klinger
"He forgets while we drink." -- Hawkeye on Frank
"He looks like Aunt Jean before electroloysis." -- Radar on Klinger
"He who lives by the mouth gets punched in it." -- Hawkeye
"He'll pull through...unless his wife gets that letter." -- Trapper
"He's a boozer. Chief Engineer of the Rednose Express." -- Potter
"He's an enigma with size 15 shoes." -- Dr. Freedman on BJ
"He's crazier than I am." - Klinger on Burns. "He's a major." - Radar
"He's got a suggestion but I think it's physically impossible."-Radar
"He's got another malpractice suit on the side." -- Hawkeye on Frank
"He's not a well woman." -- Trapper on Klinger
"He's not OK, but you can trust him." -- BJ on Hawkeye
"He's OK...he's just rusty at having fun." -- Hawkeye on Frank
"He's regular Army!" - "And I'm regular crazy." -- Klinger
"He's the most remarkable shade of yellow." -- Radar as Father Mulcahy
"Hell's Bells, I just paid the bill." -- Henry, as the lights went out
"Henry? He could have been a comparison drinker." -- Hawkeye
"Hepatitis booster, Margaret. Drop your pants." -- Hawkeye
"Hold your bloomers!" -- Klinger
"How about a box of dehydrated chocolates?" -- Hawkeye
"How about a little light, Margaret?" -- Trapper
"How about something a little less severe?" -- Col. Potter
"How about sucking in your shoulders?" -- Hawkeye to Trapper
"How can you eat this slop?" - "My mouth is tone-deaf." -- Radar
"How can you give thanks for food this bad?" -- Hawkeye to Fr. Mulcahy
"How do they expect us to fight a war without shuttlecocks?" - Hawkeye
"How does this snap open?" -- Frank to Margaret
"How long have you had this delusion that you're human?" -- Hawkeye
"How sweet! Long-stemmed....stems?" -- Margaret to Frank
"How would you like a medal?" - BJ. "Only for desertion." - Klinger
"How would you like to be knee-deep in floor?" -- Hoolihan to Radar
"Humor, too, is one of His creations." -- Father Mulcahy
"I admit some of my deduces were wild." -- BJ
"I always go by the book." - Klinger. "Wearing dresses?!" - Radar
"I am acrimonious!!" -- Father Mulcahy to Hawkeye
"I am often mistaken for being absent." -- Father Mulcahy
"I broke my glasses and it's like looking through an ice cube."-Radar
"I came all the way to Korea to see this picture." -- Hawkeye
"I can put horseshoes on a mosquito." -- Col. Potter
"I can see a cat before he sees me." -- Winchester
"I can't understand why anyone would willingly go to a war." - Hawkeye
"I certainly wouldn't trust anybody who understands us." -- Hawkeye
"I could get out for bravery. I'm not making it for nutsery."-Kilnger
"I could use a belt." -- Potter. "We know just the place." -- Hawkeye
"I could use a little of that kind of help myself." -- Hawkeye
"I demand satisfaction!" -- Maj. Margaret Hoolihan
"I did a bit of boxing before I joined the Jesuits." -- Mulcahy
"I didn't get to be major by just sitting on my duff." -- Hoolihan
"I don't care how drunk you make me,I'm not going home with you."-Hawk
"I don't intend to be here long enough to get chummy." -- Winchester
"I don't know which of you is more obscene." - Margaret to Hawk & Trap
"I don't know why that doesn't surprise me." -- Hawkeye
"I don't like being around when rules are broken." -- Frank Burns
"I don't like people kibitzing when I operate." -- Trapper
"I don't want a ruptured company clerk." -- Potter to Radar
"I don't want them to remember Xmas as the day their daddy died." - BJ
"I dropped my watch in the latrine and I don't want it back." - Radar
"I fell asleep in the mess tent and two guys siphoned me." -- Radar
"I for one am very soft." -Margaret. "Is that true, Frank?" - Trapper
"I gather you drink." -- Potter. "Only to excess." -- Hawkeye.
"I get that feeling with a pair of new pumps." -- Klinger
"I gotta give my lobes a rest." -- Klinger
"I had a hamburger last night that whinnied." -- Col. Potter
"I had to buy an extra cabinet for your file." -- Freedman to Klinger
"I had to come over *here* to be a star!" -- Klinger
"I hate me, I hate you, and I hate our whole life here!" -- Hawkeye
"I hate to be cured and run." -- Dr. Freedman
"I have a barbecue deficiency." -- Hawkeye
"I have a right to know if I'm right." -- frank Burns
"I have never seen this hat as long as my head has lived." -- BJ
"I have prepared 2 meals for a tent full of simpletons!"-Winchester
"I have written permission to die in the attempt." -- Col. Flagg
"I hope he gets stuck in his helmet!" -- Col. Potter
"I hope I have made this a more enjoyable war for all of us."-F. Burns
"I hope wars getting smaller is a trend." -- Col. Potter
"I just got a cold shiver down my back." -- Klinger
"I just needed a 5-letter Yiddish word for bedbug." -- Hawkeye
"I just want to wish you all the best." -- Father Mulcahy
"I know every bedpan by its first name." -- Klinger
"I lied. I was never a kid." -- Trapper
"I like my coffee *strong*, not lethal!" -- Col. Potter
"I lost my hat!" -- BJ. "Your cookies'll be next." -- Hawkeye
"I may be slow, but I'm thorough." -- BJ
"I might as well be wearing a dress!" - "Watch it, bub." -- Klinger
"I must be losing my mind." - "Don't fight it, Henry." -- Hawkeye
"I plead guilty and throw myself on the mercy of Nurse Able." - Hawk
"I refuse to take my case to a lower species." -- Winchester
"I shall be delivered from this fetid and festering sewer."-Winchester
"I speak American and I can go anyplace in the world." -- Frank Burns
"I stitched up enough soldiers this morning to make a rug." -- Trapper
"I stopped having morale about six months ago." -- Hawkeye
"I think I have what just might be an idea." -- Hawkeye
"I think I'll hide in the woods until the war is over." -- Hawkeye
"I think I'll just go curl up with the Good Book." -- Father Mulcahy
"I think that's a lot of buffalo-bagels." -- Col. Potter
"I think we crapped out." -- Hawkeye
"I think you just conjugated the entire Pentagon." -- Hawkeye
"I think you volunteered me a little quick, there." -- Radar
"I thought it was to have you committed." -- Hawkeye to Frank
"I thought maybe you'd been in a rickshaw wreck." -- Frank to Margaret
"I thought that was funny." -- Radar
"I thought your liver was still a virgin." -- BJ to Radar
"I tried giving him a cardiogram & it spelled out IOU."-Hawk on Frank
"I try to avoid intelligence." -- Frank Burns
"I wanted to bite you in the chow line." -- Margaret to Frank
"I was giving my nose a mambo lesson." -- Col. Potter
"I was invited to the Goof Ball, but didn't have a thing to wear."-BJ
"I was just going to complain to my Congressman." -- BJ
"I was overcome by a wave of civilianism." -- Klinger
"I was playing basketball?" - Hawk. "And you weren't bad!" - Klinger
"I will debase myself just so far for a pair of boots." -- Hawkeye
"I would really resent that if I wasn't drunk." -- Hawkeye
"I would think you've had a few successes." -- Mulcahy to Freedman
"I wouldn't care if my record said I was a bedbug." -- Klinger
"I wouldn't know about that. I'm not a doctor." -- Radar
"I'd appreciate it if you'd call me by my given nickname." -- Radar
"I'd ask you to stay, but torture's top secret." -- Col. Flagg
"I'd be a lot better without all the chatter in here." -- Frank Burns
"I'd hate to be the guy who makes mops around here." -- Hawkeye
"I'd like 'it' to happen to me to break up the boredom!" -- Klinger
"I'd like to get that tatooed on my thigh." -- Trapper
"I'd rather spend a day with a horse than most people I know."-Potter
"I'd sure love to send my hips out for a walk." -- Col. Blake
"I'd've had you out of that dress."-Frank "I'm not that easy!"-Klinger
"I'll be back." -- Klinger. "I'll be here." -- Potter.
"I'll be better after I shave my tongue." -- Hawkeye
"I'll be in OR if my legs get me that far." -- Col. Potter
"I'll be the one with the khaki rose in my teeth." -- Hawkeye
"I'll be there with $20 in my pants and 3 aces up my sleeve."-Freedman
"I'll call...and may the Lord have mercy on my cards." -- Fr. Mulcahy
"I'll do your physical. I'm used to autopsies." -- Hawkeye to Trapper
"I'll find you boots so fast it'll make your feet spin." - Sgt. Zale
"I'll get around to avoiding you later, Frank." -- Hoolihan
"I'll ignore that jealousy-inspired wisecrack." -- Margaret
"I'll just cancel the film on athlete's foot." -- Col. Henry Blake
"I'll show you amateurs how to put on a party." -- Col. Blake
"I'll take anything from my family no matter how bad it smells." -- BJ
"I'll take the nurses." - Hoolihan. "Save a couple for me." - Hawk
"I'll tell you if we find any microfilm in his bladder."-Hawk to Flagg
"I'll wear something drab. You'll be proud of me." -- Klinger
"I'm a damn fool, right?" - "We didn't say that, Henry." -- Trapper
"I'm a doctor, not an animal!" -- Frank to Margaret
"I'm a supervisor. I don't have to be useful." -- Frank Burns
"I'm a temporarily misassigned civilian." -- BJ
"I'm afraid my coffers are empty." -- Father Mulcahy
"I'm afraid that's an order." -- Potter to Mitchell
"I'm all man. The clothes are a dodge." -- Klinger
"I'm an officer!" - Margaret. "But you're no gentleman." - Hawkeye
"I'm busy now, Frank. I'll take your order later." -- Hawkeye
"I'm cursed with perfection." -- Frank Burns
"I'm doing my duty, that's what I'm doing." -- Frank Burns
"I'm dying to get into a Size 9." -- Klinger
"I'm finished. I gotta burn my bloomers." -- Klinger
"I'm going straight to bed."-"Best offer I've had all night."-Hawkeye
"I'm here to pull bodies out of a saussage grinder." -- Hawkeye
"I'm in charge of spleens and small intestines." -- BJ
"I'm in enough to ask you to get the hell out." -- Col. Blake
"I'm just telling this man's fortune by reading his bowels." -- Henry
"I'm kind of edgy lately. I guess it's my...loneliness." -- Radar
"I'm late. I had to change." -- Klinger
"I'm Lebanese! We're full of the juices of life!" -- Klinger
"I'm not a movie someone walked into the middle of." -- Hawkeye
"I'm not a psychiatrist. I'm not screwed up enough." -- Hawkeye
"I'm not blaming anybody." -- Col. Potter
"I'm not fond of personal abuse." -- Col. Potter to Col. Flagg
"I'm not going out there without a bulletproof couch." -- Dr. Freedman
"I'm not going to talk unless you stop screaming." -- Trapper
"I'm not just another pretty face." -- Klinger
"I'm not just anybody, but I'll talk." -- Klinger
"I'm not operating too loud for you people, am I?" -- Hawkeye
"I'm not reading, I'm savoring." -- BJ
"I'm not sleeping. I'm inspecting the inside of my eyelids."-Hawkeye
"I'm not so think as you drunk I am." -- Hoolihan, on Swamp hooch
"I'm not sterile!" -- Hoolihan. "Congratulations!" -- Hawkeye.
"I'm not the complaining type." -- Klinger
"I'm not the sort of person whose birthday people remember." -F. Burns
"I'm nuts. I should be out." - Klinger. "Horse hockey!" -- Potter.
"I'm Section 8 from head to toe." - Klinger. "Horse hockey!" - Potter
"I'm so cold I think my pilot's gone out." -- Hawkeye
"I'm sure it can all be explained." -- Father Mulcahy
"I'm the garbage officer." - Frank. "We all know that." - Col. Potter
"I'm tired of walking through this war with wet hair." -- Nurse Murphy
"I'm too frightened to be scared." -- Hawkeye
"I'm warning you, you're looking at a desperate flamingo." -- Hawkeye
"I've been slipping obscene prescrips into the nurses' tent."-Hawkeye
"I've been sticking pins in my Frank Burns doll all year." -- Hawkeye
"I've drawn more blood in my time than Dracula on a blind date."-Hawk
"I've got a drawerful of smiles."-Potter "So that's your secret."-Hawk
"I've got heartburn that would light up the city of Toledo."--Trapper
"I've got pictures of every one of 'em that lived." -- Mitchell
"I've got triplicate on the brain." -- Klinger
"I've never been in the stockade before." -- Radar
"I've never seen a soldier promoted because of his lips." - Potter
"If *one* kid gets hurt, the price is too high." -- Col. Potter
"If anyone needs me, I'll be sending a latrine-o-gram." -- Col. Potter
"If anything happens, bury me in a blue chiffon." -- Klinger
"If he played tuba he could make colonel...Sorry, Colonel." - Hawkeye
"If I couldn't find it, my brains may be clogged." -- Col. Potter
"If I didn't hate violence, I'd kick you." -- Margaret
"If I drink too much I get hot flashes."-"We'll take pictures."-Hawk
"If I knew all the answers, I'd run for God." -- Klinger
"If I thought that, I'd run myself out to the firing squad."-Hawkeye
"If I'm gonna do this kind of work I oughta get more money." - Hawkeye
"If I'm so brilliant, why did I just put a stitch in my glove?"-Potter
"If it weren't for us guys, you'd be in the latrine." -- Radar
"If it's a police action, why didn't they send cops?" -- BJ
"If it's so damn terrific, how come I wear a dress?" -- Klinger
"If that weren't so amusing, I might laugh." -- Hawkeye
"If the good Father got plague, who would give him Last Rites?" - Hawk
"If the weather holds, we can use the pancakes as hockey pucks." - BJ
"If they can fly in casualties, why not supplies?" -- Trapper
"If they keep bugging you,drop your pants & show them your scar."-Hawk
"If u don't throw me out, ur nuttier than I am." -- Klinger to Potter
"If u want to ruin ur stomach,eat in the mess tent."-Potter to Klinger
"If we blow up, I hope I rain down all over them (the CIA)." -- Hawk
"If we don't go crazy once in a while, we'll all go crazy." -- Hawkeye
"If we were in the Navy, I'd have you flogged." -- Frank Burns
"If you can help, I'm your slave." -- Klinger
"If you can't recognize the enemy by now, you're in trouble." -- Frank
"If you can't send me home, can I get a transfer to the Navy?"-Klinger
"If you don't listen to him, you'll all wind up in Heck." -- Mulcahy
"If you guys get killed, I'll never hear the end of it." -- Col. Blake
"If you had any brains, you'd be scared." -- Col. Potter
"If you insist on making noise, at least be quiet about it." -- BJ
"If you need me I'll be lancing a boil." -- Col. Potter
"If you scrape off the black stuff there's toast underneath." -- Radar
"If you want a souvenir, take yourself home in one piece."-Col. Potter
"If you want to vacuum your conscience, go see Mulcahy."-Hawk to CEW
"If you're not a blond pushover, you're in big trouble."-Hawk to Radar
"If you're wondering about today's lunch....don't!" -- Hawkeye
"In my grief, do I know what I'm doing?" -- Klinger
"In my hands, your wart is sacred." -- Klinger to Col. Potter
"In round figures, you owe me $672.11." -- Winchester
"In the eyes of the Lord, a prisoner's a prisoner." -- Fr. Mulcahy
"In this camp, cleanliness is next to impossible." -- Winchester
"In Toledo, we threw horseshoes for self-defense, not fun." -- Klinger
"Individuality is fine, as long as we all do it together." -- Frank
"Insanity is just a state of mind." -- Hawkeye
"Is harassment standard operating procedure?" -- Winchester
"Is it animal, mineral, or vegetable?" - Hawkeye. "Yes." - BJ
"Is it cold-blooded?...Then it's either a snake or Frank Burns."-Hawk
"Is that the full poop?" - "And nothing but the poop." -- Hawkeye
"Is that your hand?" - "Is *what* my hand?" -- Hawkeye
"Is the minefield map under M for Map?" - "No, B for Boom." -- Radar
"It beats me how some people treat this war like a picnic." -- Frank
"It could be a trap, Trap." -- Hawkeye
"It is very difficult to discipline doctors." -- Potter
"It should be a while...he's very thorough." -- Trapper on Hawkeye
"It smells like crayons." - "It's not from my Congressman, then." - BJ
"It was never like this at Boston General." -- Maj. Winchester
"It's a pretty controlled response to this place." -- Dr. Freedman
"It's a propaganda bomb!" -- Trapper
"It's a wonder more here don't take a vacation from reality."-Freedman
"It's all in your head...but it's not psychological." -- Frank Burns
"It's always better to talk things out than to punch them out."-Potter
"It's better than lying there counting people, right?"-Radar to lamb
"It's nice to be nice to the nice." -- Frank Burns
"It's nice to know you were once as common as I am." - Radar to Potter
"It's not forever, Margaret. There'll be other wars." -- Frank
"It's so quiet around here, what do they need me for?" -- Klinger
"Just between us majors, Major..." -- Maj. Frank Burns
"Just what the war needed. Extra innings." -- Hawkeye
"Just who do you think you are, Pierce?" -- Henry Blake
"Justice? In the Army? You're crazy."-"You might say that."-Klinger
"Keep talking, Frank. I could use the sleep." -- Trapper
"Keep your enlisted giggles to yourself!" -- Frank to Radar
"Kill Burns? Don't be absurd...There'd be an inquiry." -- Col. Potter
"Kill the cook! Kill the cook!..." -- everyone at the 4077th
"Kindly remove your hat, lady." -- Rizzo to Klinger
"Knock it off, gnat-brain!" -- Hawkeye to Frank
"Knock it off, will you? You're waking up the war." -- Hawkeye
"Lady, you're a real gentleman." -- Hawkeye to Klinger
"Leave the jokes to the Kremlin." -- Col. Flagg
"Lemmings must be directed to the sea." -- Frank Burns
"Let me just say this about all these impersonations."-Father Mulcahy
"Let me put it this way...DIS-MISSED!!" -- Potter to Frank & Maragret
"Let me put that another way." -- Father Mulcahy
"Let's cut out the kid stuff and play some ball." -- Freedman to Hawk
"Let's hang out your shingle, Major." -- Potter to Winchester
"Let's make a pact about drinking...let's never stop." -- Hawkeye
"Let's not panic until it's necessary." -- Col. Henry Blake
"Let's not talk medicine, let's talk romance." -- Hawkeye
"Look! Time of death 12:05 a.m. December 26th!" -- Hawkeye
"Look, we all have our breaking point." -- Hawkeye
"Looking for two honest men, Radar?" -- Trapper
"Lose your duckie in the shower, Frank?" -- Trapper
"MacIntyre and Pierce, that's what happened!" -- Frank Burns
"Major Frank Burns." -- Potter. "Just friends, sir!" -- Hoolihan
"Major Hoolihan threw me out of the nurses' tent." -- Klinger
"Margaret, my brains are on fire." -- Hawkeye
"Margaret, we won't get anywhere if you keep holding back." -- Hawkeye
"Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce." -- Frank Burns
"Married men go all to pieces when their girlfriends get engaged."-BJ
"Maybe I'll get myself a few majors and go into business."-Col. potter
"Maybe you're not cut out for a life of depravity." -- BJ to Radar
"McLean Stevenson (1929-1996), Rest In Peace. That is all."
"Mule fritters!" -- Col. Potter
"Must be therapy for the mental cases." -- Col. Whiteman on Klinger
"My colon will think it's a stick-up." -- Col. Potter
"My guts are not here for you to love." -- Maj. Hoolihan
"My kidneys were expecting orange juice...silly kidneys." -- Hawkeye
"My lavender peasant blouse is yours." - "Pass!"-Klinger on guard duty
"My nurse can beat up your nurse." -- Hawkeye to Frank
"My nylons are bagging all around my knees." -- Klinger
"My purse is stuck in the trigger." -- Klinger
"My still blew up. That's how I got my Purple Heart." -- Potter
"Never at a loss for a clich, are we?" -- Hawkeye to Frank
"Next I'll figure out sibling rivalry." -- Dr. Freedman
"Next week...He gets taller." -- BJ
"Nice outfit." -- Potter. "Thank you, sir!" -- Klinger.
"Nice to know there's a little pizazz left in the old digits."-Potter
"No good deed ever goes unpunished." -- Trapper (*before* FRA #285)
"No help from the pit boss in the sky." -- Klinger
"No horsing around, now. I'm serious." -- Col. Potter
"No one hates this war business better than I do." -- Frank Burns
"No pearls, no dress? Why are you out of uniform?"-Potter to Klinger
"No, Potter! Not potash!" -- Col. Potter on the phone
"Nobody dies around here without my say-so." -- Col. Potter
"Nobody double-dares me and gets away with it." -- Frank Burns
"Nobody's gonna ground me. Nobody." -- Smilin' Jack Mitchell
"None of us qualifies as an expert on emotional stability." -- Hawkeye
"Not a very fair war." - BJ. "Contradiction in terms." - Hawkeye
"Not now, Marjorie, I'm inspecting the troops!"-Gen. Steele to Klinger
"Nothing like a good cigar on a bright clear morning." -- Col. Potter
"Now *that's* what a self-inflicted wound looks like!" -- Hawkeye
"Now I lay me down to sleep, a bag of peanuts at my feet." -- Mulcahy
"Now that's not funny!" -- Radar
"Now you'll see why a good commander needs so many naps." -- Potter
"Of course I know the best. I'm an American." -- Frank Burns
"Officers will examine themselves and vice versa in private." -- Henry
"Oh, to be a latrine, now that spring is here." -- Hawkeye
"OK, Sherlock, who dunnit?" -- Hawkeye to BJ
"One for the road?" - Trapper. "While we've still got one." - Hawkeye
"One golf ball and I'm up all night." -- BJ
"One more chewing-out and my belly button will cave in." -- Henry
"One more stupid mistake and every nurse goes on report." -- Hoolihan
"One more word and I'll nail your tongue to your nose."-Hawk to Radar
"One more yell like that and we'll have interchangeable parts." - Hawk
"One of the things I miss the most is people my own age." -- Potter
"Operating with one hand tied behind your back again?" - Hawk to Frank
"Ottumwa did its bit, Radar. They sent you." -- Hawkeye
"Oui, oui, Josephine, I'm as sane as you." -- Hawkeye to Klinger
"Our business is largely word of foot." -- BJ to Lt. Chivers
"Our engagement is off." -- Trapper to Margaret
"Peek into one shower and you're labeled for life." -- Trapper
"People talk about LD calls like they gotta walk all the way."-Klinger
"Permission to cover up my nakedidity?" -- Radar to Potter
"Pierce, using a textbook?" -- Frank Burns
"Pierce, why is it we always turn up in the same place?" -- Frank
"Pierce. MacIntyre. The Swine Brothers." -- Trapper & Hawkeye
"Playing Greek bingo, Frank?" -- Trapper
"Protestants 7, Catholics 3. But we'll get 'em!" -- Father Mulcahy
"Pull down your pants and slide on the ice." -- Sidney Freedman
"Quit horsing around!" -- Henry to Hawkeye and Trapper
"Radar will decide who sleeps with whom." -- Col. Henry Blake
"Radar, can you be twice as scared?" -- Col. Potter
"Radar, stop working yourself into a froth over nothing." -- Hawkeye
"Radar, watch the road. I'll do the smelling." -- Hawkeye
"Radar, why are you waking my feet?" -- Hawkeye
"Radar, you're talking in our sleep." -- Trapper
"Radar, you've got class coming out of each belly button." -- Hawkeye
"Roll up your sleeve from the neck down." -- Hawkeye to Margaret
"Rotten snipers." - "It's their job to be rotten." -- Hawkeye
"Run up an alley and holler 'fish'!" -- Hawkeye
"Save his life so you can take it away?!" -- Trapper to Col. Flagg
"Scrape the rust off your imagination." -- Hawkeye to Frank
"See any good out of this war?" - "Not a damn thing." -- Col. Potter
"Send me to Honolulu! From there I'll *swim*!" -- Klinger
"Send me to San Francisco. From there I'll hitch." -- Klinger
"Seven against one seems fair." -- Trapper
"She got another stallion in the paddock?" -- Potter to Burns
"She showers frequently. I know because I watch her."-Hawk on Margaret
"Shooting yourself?! You ought to be shot for that!" -- Frank Burns
"Sirs, with your permission, would you stop horsing around?" -- Radar
"So what do you want me to do?" -- Col. Potter
"Some more butter for your fingers, Frank?" -- Hawkeye
"Some of our guys can really shovel the old windsong." -- Col. Blake
"Some patients insist on dying." -- Sidney Freedman
"Some things never change -<SEG>- if you get my drift." -- Col. Blake
"Somebody back home loves you. Don't ask me why." -- Col. potter
"Someday you'll be glad that guy's out of your hair." -- BJ
"Souvenir-hunting has been a problem in every war." -- Col. Potter
"Special glasses?" - BJ. "Vatican Rx." - Fr. Mulcahy (at poker game)
"State your business in one word or less." -- Hawkeye
"Step right up, folks. The war is back in town." -- Hawkeye
"Stick a handful of retractors in your mouth." -- Potter to Frank
"Stick that horn in your ear!" -- Radar to Potter
"Stick to medicine. Leave war to the professionals." -- Col. Flagg
"Stop salivating and listen." -- Margaret to Frank
"Stop trying to bring the war in under budget." -- BJ to Maj. Burns
"Supervision is the key to an important operation." -- Frank Burns
"Supply is still trying to get stuff to Valley Forge." -- Potter
"Surely I'm worth $240." -- Margaret to Frank
"Surely you jest." - Winchester. "Surely you go." - Col. Baldwin
"Tack that up in triplicate." -- Col. Potter to Radar
"Tell him I died and didn't leave a forwarding address." -- Hawkeye
"Tell me about this miracle typhoid cure you've discovered." -- Potter
"Ten-hut!!" -- Hawkeye <whole room snaps to attention>
"Terrific of Frank to put all that stuff in our service records."-BJ
"Thae only thing I am sure of is I don't need you." -- Henry to Frank
"That guy looks like he swallowed a junkyard." -- Trapper
"That kind of talk tightens my colon." -- Frank Burns
"That one I gotta write down." -- Trapper (and tagline writers <G>)
"That only puts another dollar in the bank of permissiveness." - Frank
"That was a dirty trick, Pierce." -- Col. Blake
"That'll put a kink in his colon!" -- Col. Potter
"That's his job. He's head fink." -- Trapper, on Frank
"That's just dandy, Radar." -- Col. Henry Blake
"That's just what I was thinking." -- Col. Henry Blake
"That's privileged information." -- Father Mulcahy
"That's right. Nurse Drivel and Doctor Manure." -- Hawkeye to Frank
"That's the easy part. Now I gotta *tell* him I removed his leg."-BJ
"That's war. Crazy things happen." -- Col. Potter
"That's what I call a sore winner." -- Hawkeye
"That's what I said, soldier. Lieutenant Colonel O'Reilly!" -- Radar
"That's why you're not in command. Dismissed!" -- Col. Potter
"The 4077th is out of blood...now we're squeezing turnips." -- Potter
"The brass is always greener..." -- BJ
"The cake and the cookies and the underwear were all delicious."-Radar
"The cesspool is so lovely this time of day." -- Hawkeye
"The common denominator is blood. It's all red." -- Hawkeye
"The crabgrass is in bloom and the cat had puppies." -- Frank Burns
"The dream is peaceful. Reality is the nightmare." -- Freedman
"The dresses aren't gettin' me out...just whistles." -- Klinger
"The enemy heard we were having fun so they attacked." -- Hawkeye
"The food here should not be taken internally." -- Hawkeye
"The hell with it. That's how I feel." -- Trapper
"The male libido can be a very fragile thing." -- Hawkeye
"The only thing gassed up in that jeep was *us*." -- BJ to Hawkeye
"The only thing we've got plenty of is wounded." -- Radar
"The OR is not supposed to be some kind of coffee klatsch!" -- Frank
"The Reds are up to bat here, too!" -- Potter
"The sniper is endangering my *private* medical files." -- Hawkeye
"The ticker's very faint...not the bomb's, mine." -- Hawkeye
"The younger they get, the older I get."-Hawkeye on wounded soldiers
"Then it's agreed. We'll do a hysterectomy on Maj. Burns." -- Hawkeye
"There are no atheists in foxholes." - "I've heard that." -- Mulcahy
"There must be a volcano under there somewhere." -- Dr. Freedman on BJ
"There'll always be another war." -- Frank Burns
"There's a war on and we've no time for violence." -- Frank Burns
"There's always terror to fall back on." -- Hawkeye
"There's always trolling for nurses." -- Trapper
"There's no film...I'm live." -- Father Mulcahy
"There's nothing like a 15-second nap." -- Hawkeye
"These fingers never left my hands." -- Hawkeye
"These guys aren't soldiers, they're doctors." -- Col. Potter
"They crated me in my sleep!" -- Frank, on Hawkeye & Trapper
"They don't make better nurses anywhere." -- Col. potter
"They had to throw a bucket of water on me & the Mrs." -- Col. Potter
"They hate me, don't they."-"Just your guts, sir." -- Radar to Frank
"They lie and then we lie. Where does it end?" -- Hawkeye
"They sent a case of pipe cleaners to MacArthur's table?!" -- Henry
"They spread us religious fellows rather thin over here." - Mulcahy
"They took your dog home in a people bag." -- Blake to Radar
"They'll declare peace and then where will I be?" -- Hoolihan
"They'll not only benefit humanity, they're tax deductible." -- Frank
"They're all God's children. Some more childish than others."-Mulcahy
"They're [heated] hunting socks. I have a bra like that." -- Klinger
"Think I'll stroll to the front & see how the shooting's going."-Hawk
"This cold water is a blessing!" -- Father Mulcahy
"This could be what you'd call a command decision." -- Col. Blake
"This film is full of splices. It's not my fault." -- Klinger
"This is an honor that thrills me down to my toenails." -- Henry
"This is curare! Didn't you read the bottle?" -- Hawk to Winchester
"This is it, Radar. We're approaching Nirvana." -- Hawkeye
"This is the general's jack!" - Radar. "Salute it and get in." - Hawk
"This morning was a very good year." -- Trapper, on Swamp hooch
"This place has all the attraction of a lanced boil." -- Henry Blake
"This was a great war until you guys showed up."-Burns, to Trap & Hawk
"This whole place is off its rocker!" -- Frank Burns
"This will be a test of my leadershipmanship." -- Col. Henry Blake
"Those little yellow Reds!" -- Frank Burns, on the Chinese
"Thought you were an atheist."-Mulcahy. "Gave it up for Lent."-Klinger
"To Black Jack Pershing." -- Potter. "Inventor of '21'." -- Hawkeye
"Touch the old nose...*Your* nose, Radar." -- Henry
"Unlucky at cards, unlucky at love." -- Father Mulcahy
"Up close, you're a guy!" - "Far away, too." -- Klinger
"Wait'll he sees the 8x10s on the bulletin board." -- Hawkeye
"Wanna get back into the game?"-"I'm not ready to solo yet."-Freedman
"Want me to wake you up when you've finished eating?" -- Hawk to Radar
"War and whiskey don't mix." -- General Steele
"War-horse?! Army mule?!" -- Hoolihan to Burns
"Was I singing? I thought I was dancing." -- Hawkeye
"Was she good?" - Trapper. "My lips may never walk again." - Hawkeye.
"Way to go, Big John." -- Hawkeye to Trapper
"We all feel fear. It's quite natural." -- Father Mulcahy
"We all take orders. Some take them better than others." -- BJ
"We are all merely cogs in a giant military medical machine." -- Frank
"We are intimate with each other at all times."--Burns, re: Margaret
"We don't get too many strangers around here standing up." -- Radar
"We don't joke in the CIA." -- Col. Flagg
"We got a better offer from another war." -- Hawkeye
"We like to send threatening underwear." -- BJ
"We pack so Major Bonkers can get out of here." -- BJ
"We should do something with Frank's head & mail it to him." - Hawkeye
"We specialize in officers' butts." -- BJ
"We thought it over and we're quitting." -- Trapper
"We were once observed notarizing in public." -- Hawkeye
"We work on soldiers thru the day & nurses thru the night."-Hawk & BJ
"We're going to go forth and part the red tape." -- Hawkeye
"We're good, but we can't get you a transfer to Japan." -- Trapper
"We're in the middle of a war. You're supposed to be scared." -- BJ
"We're not being too quiet for you, are we?" -- Hawkeye
"We're not in the gratitude business." -- Col. Flagg
"We're running low on everything except customers." -- BJ
"We're stuck here with our brass hanging out." -- Hawkeye
"We're thinking of chipping in to buy you a smile." - Hawkeye to Frank
"We're very sensitive to small problems." -- BJ
"We've been short a doctor since the day you showed up."-Hawk to Frank
"We've got to evacuate immediately."-Frank "I think I just did."-Hawk
"Welcome to the Henry Blake Clich Festival." -- Trapper
"What am I doing? This is *my* office! *You* guys get out!" -- Henry
"What bozo got beet juice on page 42??" -- Klinger
"What could a 5-year-old write that's personal?" -- Col. Potter
"What do you know? We're major mockers." -- Hawkeye
"What do you mean, no pulse?" -- Hawkeye
"What if the enemy got this?" - Frank. "We'd win the war." - Potter
"What if you don't get mail tomorrow?"-Radar."Wing it, stud."-Lt.Baker
"What kind of a jackass do you think I am?" -- Frank Burns
"What should be quarantined is Frank's mind!" -- Hawkeye
"What the hell are we laughing at?" -- Hawkeye
"What the hell is that?!" -- Henry. "It's a Spam lamb!" -- Hawkeye
"What'll it be? Gin? Or gin?" -- BJ
"What's more important? The card game or the war?" -- Hawkeye
"What's the announcement, Radar?" -- Trapper
"What's this?!" - "It's a Spam lamb!" -- Hawkeye
"What's to get up? I left a call for half past peace." -- Hawkeye
"What's with the arms and legs?" -- BJ to Klinger
"What's your explanation?" - Potter. "I screwed up." - Hawkeye
"When *I* lose one, I've lost a *soul*." - Fr. Mulcahy to Dr. Freedman
"When are you going to make a *real* delivery?" -- Lt. Baker to Radar
"When have I ever asked for sympathy?" -- Frank Burns
"When I lose one, I've lost a *mind*." -- Dr. Freedman to Fr. Mulcahy
"When the Lord passed out paranoia, Frank got in line twice." - Potter
"When the spit hits the Spam..." -- Frank Burns
"When you talk about Hitler you're really talking about me." -- Frank
"When you're in my tent you'll curb your glands." -- Hoolihan to Hawk
"When you're winning, rigor mortis is funny." -- Trapper to Radar
"Where are you going with all those vegetables?" -- Frank Burns
"Where will I find your commanding officer?" -- Winchester
"Where's the mail? It got here ten minutes ago." -- Frank Burns
"Which flunky am I talking to now?...Excuse me, Colonel."-Col. Potter
"While I'm cutting, you give him a manicure." -- Hawkeye to Margaret
"Who do I look like, Tom Edison?"-Klinger. "More like Mrs. Edison."-BJ
"Who taught you to play poker?!" - Trapper. "You did." - Radar
"Why are we being treated to this inordinate demand for silence?"-CEW
"Why can't they ever have a war in Florida?" -- Hawkeye
"Why do people take an instant dislike to me?" -- Frank Burns
"Why don't we have a war sometime with no ammunition?" -- Trapper
"Why don't you find yourself another war, Frank?" -- Hawkeye
"Why would the Navy bomb us?" -- Henry. "We're beating them 14-0."
"With my luck, you'll get my Section 8." -- Klinger to Hawkeye
"With news like that, we should take the day off." -- Hawkeye
"With your schizophrenia, I'd charge you double." -- Freedman to Flagg
"Women often have that reaction when they see me naked." -- Hawkeye
"Would you mind not combing your hair so loud?" -- Hawkeye
"Would you send up my flannel nightie?" -- Klinger
"Wounded 3 times! You're a real soldier, soldier." -- Frank Burns
"Yes, sir, if you say so, sir." -- Radar
"Yesterday we had a smooth-running war." -- Frank Burns
"You 2 should be sentenced to life in front of a firing squad."-Henry
"You act like you've got termites in your truss." -- Potter to Burns
"You aimin' to change the world?" - "Just our little corner of it."-BJ
"You all look alike to us." -- Captain Pak, R.O.K.
"You and your lawyer take a hike." -- Col. Potter to Klinger
"You ask for sound and you get water." -- Trapper
"You beckoned the Prince of Toledo?" -- Klinger
"You bought enough bonds to start your own country."-Margaret to Frank
"You can come as your favorite lampshade." -- Hawkeye to Henry
"You can move your hand or lose it!" -- Margaret to Frank
"You can set your watch by this war." -- Hawkeye
"You can't be the Ugly American. You're overqualified."-Hawk to Frank
"You can't lay all that on my shoulders." -- Hawkeye
"You can't prove anything about anybody by what he carries."-Freedman
"You dance divinely."-"My parents made me take divine lessons."-Hawk
"You don't know what it's like being short." -- Radar
"You dropped your hardware three times." -- Hawkeye to Henry
"You fell asleep." - "I figured that when I woke up." -- Hawkeye
"You got any stethoscopes?" - "We're a medical unit!" -- Hawkeye
"You got succotash on my stole!" -- Klinger to Hawkeye
"You guys are kidding, right?" -- Radar
"You guys are one for the book." -- Potter to Hawkeye & BJ
"You guys are too smart to be officers." -- Sgt. Kimble to Hawk & BJ
"You guys don't know a thing about women." -- Frank to Hawk and BJ
"You guys make me look awful good." -- Col. Blake
"You guys will get yours." -- Col. Flagg to Trapper & Hawkeye
"You have the feet of a teenager." -- Hawkeye to Col. Potter
"You just called him an umbrella." -- Radar to Hawkeye
"You just stay put and stabilize." -- Hawkeye
"You made it bearable." -- Hawkeye. "No charge." -- Trapper
"You make a great lower-lip sandwich." -- Hawkeye to nurse
"You might say there's been a *rash* of penicillin thefts." -- Henry
"You ought to see a proctologist about brain damage." - Hawk to Frank
"You pusillanimous little squirt!" -- Winchester to Radar
"You said you wanted to sacrifice a virgin."-Radar "Did we?"-Hawkeye
"You should have told us *before* we put the snake in his bed."-Hawk
"You signed an emergency leave for Pvt. Charles Lamb."-Radar to Henry
"You still won't face reality, will you!" -- Frank Burns
"You sure we need all four tires?" -- Radar
"You want something for the pain? To increase it." -- Hawk to Flagg
"You woke me from a sexy dream to discuss morale?!" -- Hawkeye
"You won't catch me sleeping with an enlisted man." -- Frank Burns
"You'll be swimming in whiskey." - "I didn't bring my trunks." -- BJ
"You'll hang from the highest yardarm in the Army." -- Frank to Radar
"You're a nice guy." - "I used to get hit if I wasn't." -- Radar
"You're all a bunch of swell eggs...some, a little cracked." -F. Burns
"You're an incredible example of death after life." -- Trap to Frank
"You're catching my drift."-"I played left drift in high school."-Hawk
"You're clean." -- Potter. "Thank God, sir!" -- Mulcahy
"You're disgusting when you're nice." -- Henry to Hawk
"You're doing just fine." -- Potter to BJ
"You're dumb, but you've met your match in me." -- Flagg to Freedman
"You're government issue, Frank. You came with my mess kit."-Hoolihan
"You're invited to a sack race in the minefield." -- Hawkeye to Frank
"You're just not used to deductive reasoning." -- BJ
"You're not gonna lose him." -- Potter to BJ (in surgery)
"You're OK, man." - "I know. But don't spread it around." -- Klinger
"You're old enough to fight. You're old enough to dance." -- Trapper
"You're only saying that to make me feel good." -- Frank Burns
"You're pretty quick with the socks, fella." -- Hawkeye to BJ
"You're staying because I need you." -- Col. Potter to Winchester
"You're supposed to sick at attention." -- Hawkeye
"You're working my side of the street!" -- Klinger to Radar
"You've been pushing your stethoscope too far into your ears."-Henry
"You've got a heck of a warside manner." -- Hawkeye to Freedman
"You've put your foot in the right hands." -- Hawkeye to Lt. Chivers
"Your brainpan's dripping." -- Hawkeye to Col. Flagg
"Your bulb's been out since I met you." -- Col. Potter to Maj. Burns
"Your clipboard's under 'C', of course." - Frank. "No, 'K'." - Radar
"Your eyes are sparkling like club soda." -- Frank to Margaret
"Your nose is the mirror of your soul." -- Hawkeye to Klinger
"Your nose isn't too big. Your face is too small." -- Hawk to Klinger
"Your report is concise, informative, and makes no sense." -- Hawkeye
"[Hoolihan] kicked me, messed up my files-and then she got mad."-Radar
<SCREAM> "He jumped in with me!" -- Maj. Hoolihan
BORG 4077th: "Attention! All personnel! Resistance is futile!"
BORG 4077th: "Choppers are irrelevant."
BORG 4077th: "Pierce, stop assimilating the nurses."
BORG 4077th: "All the hooch in the Swamp has been assimilated." <HIC!>
Frank: "Need some help?" Hawkeye: "I'd rather save the patient."
God moves in mysterious ways, but you take the cake-Mulcahy to Klinger
Hawk: "The rest is downhill." Trapper: "So is your head."
I'd sign a paper certifying you an English sheepdog. - Trap to Klinger
I'm sick & tired of you guys going over my head & down to Radar.-Henry
It's not how you win or lose, it's how you get court-martialed.-Potter
Ladies' clothes are your best defense against the system-BJ to Klinger
M*A*S*H payday: "All personnel will kindly form an orderly stampede."
Margaret, I'll trade my maintenance for your nurse-looking-after.-Hawk
Potter: "Rank?" Klinger: "Corporal." Potter: "GOTCHA!!"
Take 2 asprin & wear your best slip next to your skin.-Hawk to Klinger
Trapper: "I see 3 of 'em." Hawkeye: "Hit the one in the middle."
What the hell's wrong with you? 3 mistakes in 1 spleen.-Hawk to Frank
Why do people always wait so long before they see their gorilla?-Hawk